honey bunches of taint.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
