You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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