apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she looked like the before picture.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
