with your own penis?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
