She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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