i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
