I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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