I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
