the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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