I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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