ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
