Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
