If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
