So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
