who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
