The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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