Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
