I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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