i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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