ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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