I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
