apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
