It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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