Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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