I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Use "feeling words"
Yay
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
