So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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