You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
