Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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