I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
