just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize