Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
nut hugger
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
