just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
