just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
