I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
