i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
