If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
