I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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