apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Houston, we have a blender
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
