Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
