AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
