i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
