ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
