We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
