My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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