She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
