I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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