I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just had sex on a roof
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
