My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize