a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
