I'm drive I can fine osifer
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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