My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
