the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
