You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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