Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize