i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
