That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
