im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
