yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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