No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
