Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize