we made out on top of his cat.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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