Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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