I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
