I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
