I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
