no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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