So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
