Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
