Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The power of my boobs compel you
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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