Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
