i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
