if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
