people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
