TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
